A Beginner’s Guide to a Rule of Life
A few weeks ago, we had to swap the kids’ carseats from the minivan to our Corolla for the weekend. One of the kids discovered the road atlas tucked into the seat pocket. Inevitably, a fight broke out over which of the two of them got to hold it.
I forgot I had a road atlas. Is that what I used before I became dependent on my phone’s GPS? I use that maps app for everything—finding the quickest route to a friend’s house, finding the hotel from the airport when I travel.
Writing a rule of life is like choosing a route on a road atlas or a GPS. It’s about mindfulness. It’s about intentionality in our days. Writing a rule of life helps us when the “tyranny of the urgent” colonizes our schedules. A rule helps us by clarifying our “yes’s” and “no’s” before we’re pressed by the onslaught of life and we’re forced into being reactive in our decision making. It helps us be proactive. It helps us order our way.
A rule of life written well invites you deeper into the question: What kind of person is God forming in me right now?
The practice of designing a rule goes back to the communities of St. Benedict in the 500s. This purposeful way of sharing life ordered his monastic groups. It provided a shape to their common life.
A rule can be fashioned either for personal or corporate use. It can be particularly useful in seasons of anticipated transition such as graduating from school, beginning a new marriage, or looking forward to retirement. It helps you get from where you are to where you want to be, or perhaps better, where God is inviting you to be.
A rule is about habits rather than goals. A rule of life is a habit system. When we talk about habits, we’re talking about spiritual disciplines and spiritual practices. A sustainable system of healthy, spiritual habits is better than goal setting. Our habits make our days, and our days make our lives. Map out a system of habits you can do and then show up every day. Commit to your rule. You can see a variety of rules, some exceedingly creative, on this website.
A rule of life shapes us for Christlikeness
I make cages for my tomato plants. I make them, not to keep my tomato plants from escaping, but to provide them support as they grow so they can be most fruitful. Likewise, a rule is a support that helps me grow the fruit of the Spirit in my life. As a cage focuses the growth of my plants, a rule focuses my personal spiritual growth.
A rule of life is simple and sustainable
A rule should be designed to be helpful. Oftentimes, goal setting and resolutions become exercises in wish-dreaming, and that’s not what we’re after. We don’t want to bite off more than we can chew in the particular season of life we find ourselves in. If you’re a student or a parent with young children, your rule of life may look drastically different than an empty-nester eyeing retirement or a single, young professional. Consider what fits the current rhythms of your life.
A rule of life is shared in community
Don’t do this alone. The spiritual life is not about “just me and Jesus.” If you find yourself writing a rule of life in community, see what rhythms you can share together. As the African proverb says, “If you want to run fast, run alone. If you want to run far, run together.” A rule of life is about running far, right into heaven.
A rule of life is a road map
You want this on paper, preferable a single-sheet so you can easily glance and take in the whole thing. This is the 10,000-foot view of your life. You don’t get from point A to point B by hoping it just happens. It takes deliberate intention. You choose your route. And then you put one foot in front of the other. You make adjustments as needed.
Step 1: Set aside time on your calendar
Chances are, life is busy. Who has time to think this through and put it together? If that’s the case, you can’t afford not to. Make an appointment with yourself. Block the space on your schedule in the same way you would a meeting with a friend or client. Make it non-negotiable. If you can, make a personal retreat out of it.
Step 2: Pray
Make space to listen to God, really listen. Be quiet. Be patient. Wait through all the churn of thoughts on the surface of your mind and invite the Holy Spirit to take you deeper. What kind of person is God inviting you to be in this season of life? Don’t simply list all the things you feel guilty about not doing. Listen deeper. Be patient and allow yourself to be led by God.
Step 3: Identify your “big rocks”
Think of some of the big categories in your life. They may be family or work. They may be related to personal development or church life. When I attended a church that invited us to write a spiritual plan, these categories were worship, formation, community, and mission. More recently, I’ve used Michael Hyatt’s “accounts”: God, self (health, growth, rest), marriage, kids, friends, career, finances, and ministry.
Step 4: Put everything on paper
There’s not a wrong way to do this. Brainstorm. Give a word to every idea. Get everything out of your head. Put it on paper (or digital document). Worry about editing it later. That stray idea hovering in the corner of your mind you may discover is essential. In this step allow yourself the luxury of bad ideas. They’re just ideas. Don’t judge them just yet.
Step 5: Prioritize and eliminate non-essentials
Okay, now you can judge your ideas, once they’re all out in the open. Once you see them all together, like so many pieces of a jigsaw puzzle, you can start to sort them out. This is a step that may be helpful to experience with a spiritual director or mentor. Is that prayer practice really connecting with you? How is that mission trip you’re anticipating going to form you? Look for patterns and connections. Ruthlessly cross things out and commit yourself to the most important things.
Step 6: Share it with someone
Talk it out with your spiritual director, your spouse, your trusted peers. Listen to their feedback. Are you being realistic? Are you being gracious to yourself? Where are you challenging yourself? Are there blind spots you’re missing? Is this a religious self-help wish list or is it truly a plan for being drawn deeper into the heart of Jesus? Ask for help. Welcome accountability.
Step 7: Revisit it over time and revise
At its best, a rule of life is a fluid document. As you grow and change, so will it. Take 10 minutes once a week to check-in with yourself and look over your rule. What’s working? What’s not working? What can be tweaked? Maybe you do this check-in once a quarter or once a year. Set a reminder on your calendar. Don’t forget to actually do it. This may be the most important step.
When he talks about the life of discipleship, of God-ordered living, Jesus says, “But don’t begin until you count the cost. For who would begin construction of a building without first calculating the cost to see if there is enough money to finish it?” (Luke 14:28). And this is what a rule of life is all about: counting the cost towards a God-ordered life. We commit to say yes to everything we need to say yes to, and to say no to everything we need to say no to.
If you want to go deeper, here are a couple of resources I recommend:
Sacred Ordinary Days is a liturgical day planner that includes crafting a rule of life as one of its anchor pieces.
Crafting a Rule of Life by Stephen Macchia is a 12-session workbook designed for individuals or small groups. It’s companion website is ruleoflife.com.
Living Forward: A Proven Plan to Stop Drifting and Get the Life You Want by Michael & Hyatt and Daniel Harkavy is a resource for developing a life plan. It’s a non-religious way of talking about many of these same principles.