Spiritual direction is NOT this

I had no idea what a kumquat was. Well, some idea. I knew it was a fruit. I’d heard the word before. It’s a fun word.

Go on, say it. Kum. Quat. Kumquat.

I wasn’t really thinking about kumquats at the moment, but there I was, standing in front of the fresh produce at a grocery store. I was in North Africa, and all the labels were in Arabic.

“That’s what I’m getting,” said my friend. He had no idea what it was either. It was small and round, with a yellowish skin. He’s an adventurous guy. It wasn’t until after he ate it, and then Googled it, that we determined it was a kumquat.

Have you every tried explaining something brand new to someone? Maybe an exotic food? Or a new band? An artsy movie? If you have, then you know that sometimes it’s helpful to start with what it’s not.

You know what I mean? It’s kinda like this, but not like that at all.

So, in that spirit, here a few things that spiritual direction is kinda like, but not. It’s important to highlight the differences, because spiritual direction does something none of the others do.

Spiritual direction is not counseling or pastoral counseling.

It’s probably easiest to most confuse spiritual direction with counseling. They share a lot in common, and look very similar on the surface. There’s a professional relationship between therapist and client. There may be a stated agreement of roles. There’s a unique experience of self-disclosure from one person.

But the clear distinction lies in motivation and end result. Counseling is about problem solving. It starts from a place of crisis and leads to a place of self-sufficiency. A therapist has a clear agenda of bringing healing to pain. Spiritual direction begins in a place of stability and explores places of deeper thriving.

Spiritual direction is not mentoring.

Again, the key difference here is agenda. You might say, “I want to go here in my life, career, marriage,” and a mentor might come back with steps 1, 2, and 3 of how to get there. Mentoring covers some pretty broad life topics. And while spiritual direction does as well, it does so because it zeroes in on your life with God, and life with God covers all of life.

Spiritual direction is not discipling.

In some Christian settings, a person might have a one-on-one relationship over a cup of coffee or a meal, having conversations about Jesus and call it “discipling.” It may involve some prayer, some talk about spiritual disciplines. But it also typically leads to going out and DOING something. It’s usually focused on some external things to do, whereas spiritual direction looks at paying attention to and recognizing what God is doing.

Spiritual direction is not coaching

Once again, the difference here is agenda. A coach tells you what to do, helps you identify your deficiencies, gives you a plan to do better. Another pair of eyes on your goals and ambitions and accountability on the way are helpful tools, but this isn’t the role of a spiritual director.

A counselor, a mentor, a disciple, a coach—all good, valid, and useful guides on your journey. Think of them as cousins to a spiritual director. They are related. They can overlap. A director might lead you to a particular passage of Scripture to mediate on or memorize. Or provide a good resource about prayer. Or offer advice for working through a sticky situation. But first and foremost, a spiritual director helps you clarify the voice of God you already hear speaking.